I wish my penis had an off switch
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
