That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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