I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
