Having a random hookup so left but love u
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
