You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
