my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
