I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
