First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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