I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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