I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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