And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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