frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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