i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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