True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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