I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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