Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
