Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
