I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
