dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
