I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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