He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
