hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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