If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
