these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
