I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
