Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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