i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize