Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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