i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
