apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
