dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
