No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
