Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
