the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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