You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
