Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
