Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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