she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's shark week go big or go home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
