if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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