she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
