i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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