idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
