i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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