broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
