But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
