If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
