He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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