Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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