Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
