So drunk its hurt
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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