There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
