There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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