one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
