Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
