I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
