So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
