drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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