Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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