Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was born a porn star she said
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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