im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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