I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Acid is not a monday night drug
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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