No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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