Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
