So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
