To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
