I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
