1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
